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Mind Dump


Yesterday was a contemplative sort of day. On my grand walk to the mall yesterday morning, I decided to stop at a restaurant and have breakfast.

Yes, I only need one menu. A glass of orange juice, and a Western omelette. No ham, please. Thank you. Yes, that's all. Thank you.

As I sat there drinking my orange juice, I started thinking back to elementary school. I don't remember much of it. I really didn't think it was all that bad, until my mom told me I would come home every day, crying. *frowns* I don't remember that either. Guess my mind wanted me to forget...

What I do remember about elementary school had to do with the very restaurant I was sitting in. Even back then, I was pretty mature and responsible. Maybe it was because I took care of my younger sister and helped around the trailer when I was so very young myself. Or maybe I've always been that way. Regardless, my friend and her younger siblings were down a couple of shops getting a hair cut. When it was her mom's turn, she gave me money so that we could all come down to the restaurant and have some pie. Yep, she gave me and not her own daughter the money. Fast forward a few years, and this girl is giving blowjobs for cigarettes, and ended up having a kid that was blind and had brain cysts since she didn't stop using coke during her pregnancy.

Maybe I have always been the responsible, level headed one.

I went to the mall and bought a discman and a hair straightener (because, once you start spending money, why stop?) at the local Whore Mart (Wal-Mart), stopped by the electronics store to get my lecture from hoo_baa_joo for buying my discman at Whore Mart, picked up some stuff from work, and trekked on home. That's when Happygoth told me that aolfe's friend succumbed to his 4 month fight with lung cancer.

Damn.

aolfe told me that she has a thought, a half formed theory. We have a set day to die. No matter what we do, we are going to die on that day.

I thought that was damn depressing. What's the point, then? Why stop with the drugs, the unprotected sex, and so on? Why even go as far as driving sober, or wearing a seat belt?

Then she continued that, true, her last day is already pegged by whatever Powers That Be, but she can control the quality of life up to that point. She can quit smoking, and not die of cancer. She can be happier and healthier up to that day.

I asked her then if there is such a thing as free will. She said she would get back to me on that.