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*happy sigh* Definitely better.

Yesterday was a bad day. I had reached my snapping point, and that hasn't happened in a couple of years, at least. I have been detached at the gym lately. I was starting arguments in my Teaching Reading, Thinking, Study Skills class. I scowled through my Media In The Classroom class. I got my grad proofs, but didn't care and threw them in my bag. I had less than 10 minutes to go downstairs, inhale lunch, and go to another class, when I ran into Smell Marker Girl.

Poor girl.

She has been friendly harassing me to get my proofs so she could see how they turned out. As I sat down to inhale food, I passed them to her. And I made some comment about her harassment to Pen Girl, and Smelly Marker Girl protested with an intentionally annoying imitation of herself. Normally, I would have tried to solemnly agree to accuracy of the impersonation and then grin, but she really was getting on my last nerve. As her impersonation got louder and louder, I started making noises of protest. When that didn't end the charade, I finally said,

"Fuck off."

I never swear. Today, she came up to me and told me how hurt she was that I had said that, and that I didn't phone her back last night. How could I tell her that she pissed me off and yesterday wasn't a good day? I don't feel like telling people that, sometimes, the piling of issues even wears down the invincible Jez. As well, I don't like to tell people that I deal with depression (drug-free), and once in a blue moon, things get crazy. I'm sorry that I hurt her, and I apologized for her witnessing the beginning of my "snapping". But I'm not sorry I said it... I sincerely meant it at the time. "My advice, then, is that if you are in such a mood, you shouldn't go where people are". Sorry for inhaling my food where the student microwave was.

Today was better. I took a deep breath and said "okay".

I went to bed at 6 p.m. last night because I was sick and tired of dealing with the world. Twelve hours later, things began to stabilize. Did I tell her any of this? No. Because, in true school-relationship fashion, everything was forgotten and she invited me over to watch "American Idol".

It's only me now, with my obsessive-compulsive type of mind, playing each action, word, and expression over and over again.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
(Anonymous)
Feb. 11th, 2004 02:09 pm (UTC)
Re: A suggestion?
As someone who hated the everything and everyone for the last month I don't see anything wrong with that. It took me a month to sort it out, now I'm not as mad, but nothing anyone said to me would have changed that. I had to work that out for myself.
Either way, a good stress relief might be a night at a country bar? Let me know about Friday.
jb
dreamfilled
Feb. 11th, 2004 04:03 pm (UTC)
Re: A suggestion?
Ugh... sorry, no can do, 'tis another birthday I have to attend. Who knows, we may end up there???

Plus, I would -never- dream of you using you for your OFC status. *grins* Maybe it's because it's to the country bar...
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )