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I need a nap

It may be weird to admit this, but I really like Miley Cyrus’s song, “Wrecking Ball”. It tears at my heart strings.

It has been a hard couple of weeks. My depression decided to peek in, grab a chair, and not take the hint when I started flicking the lights on and off. Last Friday night was bad. I went out to a Candle Party. You know the type... you sit around, sniff candles, look at catalogues, and enjoy free food. Usually right up my alley. Near the end, I suddenly started to panic. Now, I am not one to have social anxiety. I sometimes wring my hands, but I’m usually pretty charismatic, so I scrape by. Not this time. My vision darkened, I couldn’t get enough air, and my hands started trembling. I managed to keep my shit together until I got in my car. I forced myself to take deep breaths so I didn’t crash while driving. I came in the house, went to the bathroom, and cried. No reason to cry, except for fucked up brain chemistry. I was good about a half hour later.

Things are going okay with me and the hubby. He moved back in just before summer break. We’ve talked. He’s agreed to go to counseling with me, but I haven’t made the appointment.

I just want to sleep for awhile. I have a sore thorat, and my patience is shot. I find my life doesn’t really give any alone time. And my family has a hard time understanding the need for quiet. Normally, it’s the other way around. I have often told my hubby that I don’t understand his ADD. He finally looked at me, with complete seriousness, and said “I can’t understand how you’re not”. Wow. Good point. I’m outnumbered.... I need to shut off my phone and disappear to write, I guess. I deal with people and noises in my face all day, to come home to it, drives me bonkers. No, I really don’t want to know about the last 10 things you built with Lego, who you’re mad at this week, and which YouTube videos I have to watch. No, I don’t need to look at various ATV stuff and start rearranging the house at 10:30 at night.

Maybe I’m the freak for demanding normalcy in an abnormal world. They are pretty patient when I don’t feel like hugging and kissing them, so I guess they put up with my type of crazy too.

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