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*tries to un-frown*

My gawd, I need more mental health days. I was so close to crying today, it wasn't even funny.

So, since I did sweet bupkiss while playing hookie, I got to the office early today to prepare (around 7 a.m.) Even though I would give up everything to crawl back into bed, I got ready. The majority of first period went okay. A little info about government and budgeting ( I know... absolutely... riveting.... *rolls eyes*) and the students start working. Now, this one student I will refer to as Dipshit has been harassing this one girl in my class for a long time. Such as the ever-mature "mimic everything she says" routine, saying she's a doorknob since "everyone gets a turn" and worse. Basically, making her feel like crap. True, she tends to be a little ditsy and she's a 17 year old in my Grade 9 class, but she's overall pleasant and still deserves a base line of respect. I ended up sending Dispshit's brother home on Tuesday (yes, two brothers in the same class) for harassing her and causing an eruption.
("I don't like her. I'm not going to respect anyone I don't like. You will know who I don't like, and I'm going to let them know. You are not going to change me, so don't bother trying.")
Today, out of nowhere, this girl was telling someone that she knew members of the Native Syndicate.

*sighs* Native Syndicate is one of the larger gangs in Manitoba. And I don't doubt that she does.

So, Dipshit, in his derogatory "indian" voice, starting to go through the list of gangs around here while "flashing" fake hand signs. That started the yelling back and forth, and this girl threatening to get NS after these boys. Escalated into me kicking all three out, Dipshit muttering "bitch" under his breath when walking by the girl, and the girl jumping and hitting Dipshit's brother.

I don't need this crap.

So, the boys left, I talked to the girl, making sure she understands that I understand why she did what she did but that still didn't make it acceptable, and then kicked her out. Meanwhile, while she is crying, I had to stop myself from joining her. *sighs*

Oh, did I mention that she tried hanging herself a while back?

*shakes head* So, with the gang affiliation, the self-mutilation, the suicide attempts (there has been 2 by two different girls so far), the attitudes, and then the regular classroom bullshit, I often sit here at the end of the day and re-evaluate my life.
Can I hack this?
Am I putting my own mental health at risk?
Heck, can I even hack being a "regular" teacher since I am so unorganized and ill-prepared?

Then, like every other abusive relationship, the remaining students will work quietly, joke with me for a bit, and make me momentarily forget what my life has become.